a little more personal.

almp @ 2009-06-28T12:04:00

2009-06-28T17:04:49Z

15:07 RT @nick86: just hit the space bar 2xs on my computer and wondered why a period didn't show up. the blackberry is overruling my grasp on ... #
15:20 @jordansammy I'll Skype you, bitch. It does sound kind of sexual. #
15:20 In addition to cheap toilet paper, I also hate cheap paper plates. Ugh. #
15:29 My pee is always super fizzy after a night of drinking. #
15:33 @jordansammy Pump me daddy. I heard that in a porn once and immediately lost my erection. #
15:34 I didn't know Rhode Island's official name was "State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations." Random. #
16:35 @downupsidefrown You got it. #
17:14 Just got the Live at Hurricane Festival album from Lily Allen. Effing brilliant. #
17:45 Just got "The Collection." Now I have Off the Wall, Thriller, Bad, Dangerous, History, Blood on the Dance Floor, Invincible, and bonus t ... #
17:46 @tjwislon That's the best way to hit socialite status! #
18:23 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
18:36 I felt weird taking shots, until I realized it's already 7:30. Game on. #
18:41 Stuart Price really is amazing. His "Paparazzi" remix is stellar. #
18:57 bit.ly/5iXcR Huffpost - Limbaugh Blames Sanford's Affair On Obama, Because Why Not? - ...what a lunatic. #
18:57 @CocktailChic I know, I make it seem like I wouldn't be taking shots if it were noon, lol. #
18:58 @CocktailChic P.S. I always said it'd be fun to be a PA too! It'd have to be for someone of significance though. #
19:01 Five shots in twenty minutes. Lord. #
19:06 @honkifyanasty I hope you're talking about Stuart Price and not Rush, lol. ;) @eleanorpyc03 Vodka. #
19:08 @TheMandyMoore Welcome to my life. I'll stick to being proficient in linguistics. #
19:15 @eleanorpyc03 Goose is obviously always amazing, but if I'm buying on the cheap, I go with Sobieski. Vodka is my the elixir of my life. #
19:44 @eleanorpyc03 It's not great, but it's not completely horrendous. As long as it's a clear liquor, I typically wake up sans a hang over. #
20:40 bit.ly/AjlPI Huffpost - Mark Musselwhite: Former Georgia Mayor Arrested For Nudity - Keeping it classy. #
20:42 bit.ly/WKHCd Huffpost - Joe The Plumber Suggests Lynching Chris Dodd - Will someone make this fucking douche go away already? #
21:55 I love how many liquor stores and gas stations recognize me. I feel like an alcoholic VIP. #
21:56 @RichardHighnote I ditched that shit as soon as my probation was over. #
22:23 You'd be living in a dream if you were waking up next to me. #
22:37 @zhazhanixx You're SO late. #
22:41 @zhazhanixx He's been out for like two years or some shit, lol. #
23:52 How insulting is it to have someone say they want to have a threesome WITHOUT YOU? First, who plans that shit? Second, you're a joke. #
00:38 Drunksy. #
05:41 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-27T12:04:00

2009-06-27T17:04:54Z

15:27 @zhazhanixx Maury is on! #
16:31 bit.ly/IGOSp #
16:46 Ew. Clayton put a piece of Velveeta on his mashed potatoes. You are no Britney Spears. #
17:24 "When Farrah Fawcett got to heaven God granted her one wish. She wished for all children to be safe, so Michael Jackson had a heart attack." #
18:23 "Princess Protection" is a trending topic on Twitter... really? #
18:40 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
19:22 @AndyKayBC She sounds like a blast. Invite her to the after party. #
21:54 @RichardHighnote No you did not just quote Alan Jackson. #
23:17 Having drinks with an old friend. :) #
23:22 twitpic.com/8jg2k - Blue Moon. :) I feel so butch having beers with one of my straight friends. #
23:57 They're playing Michael Jackson at the bar and all of the drunks are singing along. They only know two words to "Beat It." Guess which two? #
00:17 "Poker Face" just came on. I totally predicted that, no lie. #
00:22 @GarageGlamorous I'd let him stick the tip in. Maybe the whole thing if he kept his mouth shut. #
00:45 Erik von Detten on Comedy Central! Swoon. #
00:47 "She's a slut, she's not in calculus." #
00:49 One time I woke up with a sunburn and could smell colors. #
01:10 @ZhaZhaNiXx Duh, Blue Moon and orange. That's the only way I've ever had it. @downupsidefrown It was a joke. #
02:16 Wanna take a trip to downtown Lucas Witherspoon? #
02:20 @GarageGlamorous You realize you're CJ Harden, right? Obviously the goodies are free for you. #
02:27 Why is Al Roker reporting on prescription pills? Random. #
02:30 @GarageGlamorous My dinners consist of vodka. Does that work for you? #
02:33 @GarageGlamorous You have the same effect on me as vodka. ;) Either way. #
02:36 @GarageGlamorous Ew, who does that? Vodka is like water to me... only it makes my clothes come off. #
02:38 Drunky. And horny now. Send me nudes you skanks. The favor will be returned. :) #
02:39 @GarageGlamorous Rawr. I love it. #
03:52 @BoCoker You love it. @RASHIDIAN I know, right? What could top it though? @downupsidefrown I agree. Undoubtedly a legend. :) #
03:52 @BoCoker Also, I'm sad you're going out of town tomorrow instead of coming to see me skank it up at the Fat Cat! Lameness. #
04:24 Why am I still awake? #
04:49 @BoCoker That makes sense. The swimsuit thing is tomorrow! @downupsidefrown Cross my heart, and hope to die. MJ was a legend, undoubtedly. #
05:42 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-26T12:05:00

2009-06-26T17:05:37Z

13:18 Farrah Fawcett died! My day is ruined. #
14:49 @tjwislon I think you need to look more like Jesus Luz. Slick your hair back in a bouffant fashion. #
14:50 @B_Irving LOVE IT!!! #
15:12 @juannn twitpic.com/8eevf - SO GOOD. I'm obsessed. #
15:56 Excited about Saturday! Swimwear night at the club. Totes busting out with my Speedo, a.k.a. my Hannah Montana bikini bottoms. Half my a ... #
16:08 Where 69 meets 40, there's a single stoplight town. #
16:09 What I just paid for dinner could be a down payment on a house. #
16:10 Like five bugs have tried to attack me in half an hour. They have a hit out on me. #
16:49 I love that I just double-folded my towel over my swimsuit and my bulge was still visible. #
16:58 Boredom leads to shots. True fact. #
17:02 @GarageGlamorous I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me. #
17:04 My pores are huge. #
17:04 twitpic.com/8etv9 - Baby there's no other superstar. #
17:21 twitpic.com/8eve1 - We sell the beauty but destroy the boy. #
18:28 Break me off (toy soldier) #
18:44 I'm literally devastated that Michael Jackson died. Let's drink in his honor. :*( #
00:30 @DieselDust Hahah. #
00:31 Kathy Griffin is so amazing. #
00:33 Predators love fucking iced tea. #
01:19 twitpic.com/8g2u9 - Corey blowing up one of my condoms. #
01:28 twitpic.com/8g3bx - #
01:49 @perezhilton Lose weight. You're pathetic. #
05:45 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-25T12:06:00

2009-06-25T17:06:46Z

12:37 @Zhazhanixx twitpic.com/8albo - Classy. #
12:58 How sad that every airline's customer satisfaction rating is lower than the U.S. Postal Service's rating. #
13:07 The two couples on "Wife Swap" on Lifetime are CRAZY. #
13:23 @zhazhanixx Georgia apparently. #
13:32 RT @MCDONALDHEATHER Watch our NJ housewives parody from Chelsea bit.ly/mp64U #
13:56 The truth about Danielle (including the entire police report)!: www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0623091nj1.html #
13:56 @jordansammy Wow, it's like a mobile Manhunt. #
13:56 @ZhaZhaNiXx Thank you! We need a reality show. I think we could show up the Real Housewives of Atlanta. New Jersey, that's another story... #
15:14 FAT BABIES ON MAURY! #
15:21 @jillhanner twitpic.com/8b3o9 - lol! #
16:08 It is entirely too fucking hot outside. #
16:19 twitpic.com/8badj - Erin Heatherton is gorgeous. #
18:47 How do I always end up having sex during Wheel of Fortune? #
18:52 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
20:24 twitpic.com/8c158 - It's seriously 9:30 PM and still kind of light outside. Georgia is weird. #
21:05 twitpic.com/8c5em - No ma'am. #
21:19 "Where do I put the vodka... next to the Otter Pops?" #
21:23 twitpic.com/8c757 - Straight boys and their video games confuse me. #
22:05 twitpic.com/8cb7f - Totally going to have a nip slip tonight. Where are the paps? #
23:07 @tjwislon Me, duh. #
23:17 @tjwislon Not professionally, but I'll consult you. #
23:23 @tjwislon I'll totes help. Wait until I'm sober. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-24T12:06:00

2009-06-24T17:06:12Z

14:39 @laurenmignon Hahaha, random. #
14:42 No expense should be spared when it comes to buying high-quality toilet paper. Also, this is my 4000th tweet! #
16:24 Real Housewives of Atlanta returns July 30th!: bit.ly/19lUxo #
16:25 @xantotre Always ultra strong. :) @laurenmignon Well, it seems to be the case down here, haha. #
16:34 It randomly just started raining. Weird. #
18:29 twitpic.com/88f4q - Need! #
18:48 "To understand the world, you must first understand a place like Mississippi." - William Faulkner #
18:59 twitpic.com/88ier - Need! #
19:00 twitpic.com/88ik7 - I literally thought this wig was supposed to be a Kevin Jonas costume. #
19:34 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
19:48 Petland is my idea of hell on Earth. #
19:54 twitpic.com/88oc7 - That is vile. #
19:57 They seriously make dog diapers. #
20:20 twitpic.com/88r2r - Need! #
21:34 PC literally dated the ugliest girl in the cast. He could have done so much better.
#nycprep #
21:41 I can't wait to see "Julia & Julia." #
21:45 "I'm not texting, I'm BBMing."
#nycprep #
23:28 @NickLandis Both. :) @connnnn I don't care, I just like looking at him. Rawr. @ZhaZhaNiXx For sure. @B_Irving I'm still hoping he is. #
00:41 Two fucks in an hour. Clayton had an AMAZING cum shot. #
01:35 It's interesting that Angelina Jolie and Madonna's babies are the only ones with tracking numbers. #
01:47 I just showed Clayton my routines from the club. He loved catching the ping pong balls. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-23T12:07:00

2009-06-23T17:07:37Z

13:48 Beer run. I'm so classy. #
15:55 twitpic.com/84pf5 - PJ! #
17:06 twitpic.com/84wzy - 'Chuck Norris can't believe it's not butter' - @ Hooters' #
19:44 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
21:45 It was like a leaf blower with fur. #
22:33 twitpic.com/84wzy - ** can #
22:50 I'm going to need a bag of heroin to get even four hours of sleep. #
22:51 Daughtry sucks. Anyone who likes them is stupid. #
22:59 Hearing Paula Deen say "circle jerk" makes me laugh. #
00:42 Britney on SNL on the E! Channel! #
01:13 I was raised right. I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners. #
01:38 My friend just backed his car into a ditch. I'm not cut out for this kind of drama at 2:40 AM. #
01:47 And now there are police. God. #
02:43 twitpic.com/869rf - Wtf? #
03:18 Sleepy. Waiting on my comforter to dry. #
03:29 The final eight scene in "Cape Fear" makes me feel like vomiting. The camera work is insane. It's dizzying. #
03:31 The final fight scene in "Cape Fear" makes me feel like vomiting. The camera work is insane. It's dizzying. #
05:28 I love that the Uighurs are complaining about going to Palau. Why is it even being negotiated? They're prisoners... #
05:29 I also love that the headline on Fox News is "Trouble in Paradise." They were showing pictures of resorts and beaches. Um, they'll be in ... #
05:40 Sports segments on the news are so obnoxious. Turn to ESPN if you want to hear about sports. The only time I care is if it involves Speedos. #
05:54 I can't believe Florence Nightingale's childhood home: i40.tinypic.com/id837t.jpg #
05:54 It's a school now with hot British boys: i39.tinypic.com/2wgyved.jpg #
06:26 Can't wait: bit.ly/cFYnX #
06:49 Lauren Bush really is absolutely gorgeous. #
06:50 Teresa and Caroline are live on Fox & Friends! #RHONJ #
06:59 @jordansammy I'll have to explain it all to you. Mess. #
07:47 Worst excuse ever: bit.ly/9feg3 #
07:48 If anyone ever shit on my dick, I'd immediately vomit on them for revenge. #
08:03 GASP: bit.ly/5WQvx #
08:10 @jordansammy Loves it. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-22T12:05:00

2009-06-22T17:05:26Z

12:38 Just waking up. Got super wasted last night, but didn't commit any party fouls as far as I know. #
13:14 Via @McCainBlogette Article by @OxyChaz "The Conservative Case for Marriage Equality" bit.ly/DXSrT #
13:15 Finally! Alone time so I can jack off. #
13:29 Best text ever: "Heading home. Woke up in a yard. FML." #
14:46 We have seven boxes of cereal, but no milk. #
15:08 @tjwislon What about your baby batter? #
15:16 I wish I was a kid so I could walk around in a tutu and 3D glasses. #
15:17 I wonder if being retarded is like being permanently drunk. #
15:26 I'm want to stay at a Best Western for the free Jonas pack. #
15:29 @BrentCorrigan00 twitpic.com/7z5zr - Props on the shirt. #
15:31 @jaylovesit For all I know I could be retarded because I'm rarely sober. #
15:37 I totally just spent like ten minutes making up choreography to "Crank It Up" by Ashley Tisdale. FAIL. I wanna ride it like a chauffeur! #
15:39 @tjwislon It's just you. I think he's cute. Plus, he has a penis. That's really the only requirement. #
15:40 @jaylovesit Halfway. Waiting for Clayton to get back so we can have a beer run! Yay. #
15:48 @jaylovesit Haha, I can definitely take credit for each of those titles. Actually, my friend is the one who gave me those titles. #
15:50 Definitely just got a message from a 16-year-old alleging I've been talking shit. Um, no, I don't get involved in high school politics. #
15:53 @buck_wylde lol, so true. With all that money, you'd think he'd invest in some quality hair plugs. #
15:59 @jaylovesit I think I love them all equally. :) I love that I'm title-worthy. Mission: accomplished. #
16:00 @tjwislon @GarageGlamorous @jmgzlz Maybe his choice of shirt makes him more swoon-worthy in my eyes. Or maybe I'm just a whore. #
16:06 I'm finally thin again. I just saw my reflection and practically cried tears of joy. Apparently beer is a good diet supplement. #
16:40 "If you're not familiar with the table flip, you're probably not from Jersey." RHONJ is beyond classy. #
16:41 @RichardHighnote No, they just THINK they've found Mr. Right. They'll be broken up in a few weeks. #
16:45 @jaylovesit Yeah, I've already seen the bonus footage from the fight like twice, but it's so hilarious. #
17:24 @tjwislon HAHAHA. I'm Facebook quoting you on that. #
17:25 RT @tjwislon @ampedxx I would really like to adopt and raise a black girl w you #
17:45 @tjwislon She'd be fabulous. #
18:56 Undoubtedly the most horrific video I've seen in a long time: bit.ly/GBZTY #
19:03 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
19:14 45 Ridiculous Pictures Of Boy Bands bit.ly/wpjKh #
19:14 @AdenStoneXXX Chances are that in addition to be 'phat' she is also 'fat'. #
21:22 Going to Picasso's to hang with some friends. Beer run in Alabama beforehand. Holla! #
21:37 I just saw prostitutes on the devour we had to take in Phenix City! I've never seen one...aside from my reflection in the mirror. #
22:12 COCKROACHES HAVE A HIT OUT ON ME. One flew at me. They're everywhere! Never coming to the Riverwalk at night ever again. #
22:22 @RichardHighnote It flew AT ME. That's even worse. #
22:46 Saw another prostitute! Is it weird that I totally wanna pick one up and take them to the bar with me? They deserve it for their hard work. #
23:09 twitpic.com/82s7j - Best doormat ever. #
01:13 twitpic.com/830m0 - Someone had explosive diahrrea in the Wal-Mart bathroom. #
02:42 Definitely drunk. #
04:08 twitpic.com/837pr - I'm seriously dying of laughter. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-21T12:04:00

2009-06-21T17:04:35Z

12:31 OMG, I've been scoped out by three guys at this restaurant. #
13:46 @jordansammy Duh, I'll shop with you. #
13:48 At my wit's end. #
18:42 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
18:50 @jdf0517 I know, right? @GarageGlamorous Considering I wasn't fearful, the whore part must have kicked in. #
18:51 @Aeyster84 GG is amazing. :) @jordansammy Well we're all going to Max's tonight at 11 or so. Come! #
18:59 To be a lazy lush, my abs look pretty good. We should be loooovers and that's a fact! #
19:03 @jordansammy twitpic.com/7ycz6 - Is this your back yard? I totes didn't realize all of this was back there. #
19:46 www.dlisted.com/node/32613 #
20:30 Sometimes, being a local socialite is not fun. #
20:55 twitpic.com/7ysx5 - Copying @madeinparis #
21:18 The guy at the gas station just said he'd never need to card me again. Fail or win? #
21:22 Totes listening to "I Could Fall In Love" right now. If you don't know who it's by, you fail at life. #
22:43 twitpic.com/7z5hq - Kima and I. :) #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-20T12:04:00

2009-06-20T17:04:42Z

12:14 "I'll get you cognac." "That'll help me sleep?" "No, but it makes staying awake a hell of a lot more fun." #
12:27 The only people scared of homosexuals are pious clergymen and terrified heterosexuals. #
12:42 @laurenmignon The couple on "House Hunters" had that last name, and the narrator made sure not to refer to them as "the Beavers." #
12:49 Dressed like a vamp or a Pamplona tramp, she could stampede the menfolk at will. #
12:54 www.dlisted.com/node/32604 I would order from Pizza Slut every single day for the rest of my butt's life. #
12:58 @RZD Aww. #
13:09 RT @GarageGlamorous cute boy alert at Kay Jewelers....ring shopping. that means he's straight..and cheap...NEXT #
13:18 I love that this woman on "Tyra" smokes while preggers because she doesn't want to get fat. NEWS FUH-LASH: you are already fat. #
14:08 twitpic.com/7tp6r - My sister's new car. How weird that she's old enough for a car. #
14:46 Why am I voting for the Teen Choice Awards? Fail. #
16:26 @jordansammy Different people. Definitely voted for Chelsea Lately. :) #
16:51 I know that boy, he's not too bright, but he's educated in bed all right. #
16:54 twitpic.com/7u98v - Ignant. #
17:47 twitpic.com/7uflk - 'Porchop' - Only in the South...' #
17:55 Just found out I'm going to the BEACH tomorrow. Cannot wait. #
17:59 twitpic.com/7uh2v - I fucked up so I just made her into a chonga. I'm a loser. #
18:20 @zhazhanixx I know! You couldn't see it, but written beside it was "chongalicious." We totes need a name for he. Maritza? Xiomara? Zenaida? #
18:21 @jordansammy Let me know how it is! #
18:26 @ZhaZhaNiXx Hahaha. We totes will. The coloring book was only like a dollar. #
18:34 twitpic.com/7ul8f - Favorite beer ever. Vodka still has my heart AAF. #
18:39 Dear Future Sugar Daddy, please find me soon. I want a castle. Love (depending on your net worth), Lucas #
18:49 @circusmarcus Funny you ask. I need a hot poolboy to cheat on my hubby with while he's away. #
18:56 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
18:58 twitpic.com/7uo4u - The guy on 'Wheel of Fortune' looks like a pudgy lesbian. #
19:03 twitpic.com/7uoql - Fleshjack! #
19:14 The fact that Kevin Jonas is 21 and could legally drink with me makes him 10x hotter. #
19:44 @madeinparis I actually don't much care for it, but whatever. At least I can say I own one. #
19:49 @RichardHighnote Shut the fuck up! I love Legally Blonde: the Musical! #
20:12 @swear_bot Fuck you, you cunt. #
20:13 @madeinparis Aesthetically, yes. Otherwise, not mah thang. #
21:59 twitpic.com/7v93b - Crackhead. #
06:23 Definitely don't remember most of last night. Ugh. #
06:49 Watching HSM3. "The Boys Are Back" is the gayest thing ever. Zac Efron needs to be on top of me RIGHT NOW. #
08:59 Suspicions confirmed: I was a hot ass mess. I had A CAB called for me and my former roommate carried me into my house in front of my parents #
10:09 Every time I see Corbin Blue I think of @GarageGlamorous #
10:13 @GarageGlamorous Shit. I spelled his name wrong. I totally thought about spelling it Bleu too. Fail. #
10:39 @jordansammy They did it to me too, lol. I said, "Fuck you, cunt." #
11:04 Zac Efron reminds me of Chris Johnston. Now I get the attraction. #
11:13 @GarageGlamorous If it sucked cock, it'd be so much better. #
11:29 Is that your cologne or a toxic spill? #
11:46 @GarageGlamorous Unless you're Ashley Dupree. High class. #
12:01 I really should be sleeping but I'm meeting a friend for cocktails instead. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-19T12:07:00

2009-06-19T17:07:10Z

13:28 "Blur" by Britney is totally my theme song right now. I remember showing off my erect cock, giving blowjobs, and having it filmed. Classy. #
13:39 @ZhaZhaNiXx That picture is absolutely terrible. #
13:40 @RichardHighnote Yeah, because ancient Egypt, Rome, and Greece were totally non-prosperous and their history is insignificant. #
13:41 @RichardHighnote I love that hardcore Christians like just ignore history altogether. #
14:55 Ricky Martin kind of came out in a Spanish magazine. I'm moving to Miami stat. I'd learn to look past the fact he likes golden showers. #
15:23 @connnnn I thought about that too! Also, why are these clubs letting them in when there are cameras there to film the illegal activities? #
15:46 My urine smells like movie theater popcorn. I don't know if I'm more concerned about my pee or the popcorn. #
16:06 @gilchrma On Clayton's phone apparently, lol. @circusmarcus You better be there next time. #
16:56 twitpic.com/7qu7j - I thought it was neat. It's right next to the club. #
16:58 "Shawshank Redemption" has inspired me to start a prison with only hot people. That way if you get raped, it won't be so bad. #
17:15 "Now I'm gonna unzip my fly, and you're gonna swallow what I give you to swallow." Best line ever. #
17:30 RT @tjwislon: I'm not sure how I feel about evolution, but then I see people who are so ugly, it just confirms how closely we are relate ... #
19:01 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
19:50 Hellooo perm. It's like someone deep-fried your hair. #
19:59 @zhazhanixx GIRL, you missed a fierce episode. It was a repeat, but I hadn't seen it. #
20:01 Unseen "Real Housewives of New Jersey" footage!! I'm obsessed. #
20:34 Waiting for the Teresa blow-up! I'm totes Team Jacqueline. She wouldn't lie about Dina, especially with her crazy possessive family. #
20:37 I love the split screens and various camera angles! #
20:39 TMI! #
20:55 Five shots down. Who knows how many more to go... #
21:00 twitpic.com/7rkh6 - Tanlines! Such a welcomed sight. #
21:01 "Friggin' linoleum floors!" I died. #
21:03 @mileycyrus You're right next to Savannah, and the beach. :) Savannah is a fun little town. You should venture into it. #
21:03 @madeinparis I second your opinion that Jacuqline's dress was so great. I wish she'd lose sixty pounds, but she's definitely gorgeous. #
21:04 @Tiredofbeinsexy ME TOO. #
21:07 Why do couples complain about not spending time together? That makes me love the person more. #
21:10 @zhazhanixx Cockroaches and no Bravo? Where the hell are you, a crack den? #
21:13 What the fuck kind of name is the Blind Tiger for a bar? Actually, it's better than the Fat Cat. #
21:14 @madeinparis I know, that's why I think she was being honest about Dina and Caroline. Team Jacqueline all the way. #
21:14 @madeinparis Totes referring to Danielle as Ducky from now on. They both start with D's. Coincidence? No. #
21:15 @ZhaZhaNiXx Why do you live in Alabama? Btw, I just looked up their state song today, and it's completely ridic. #
21:22 @madeinparis You are seriously hot. I enjoy your penis. @ZhaZhaNiXx Boo hiss boo. No fun. #
21:23 I'm against recycling because it makes my trash man think I'm an alcoholic. #
21:27 "I'm a quarter Cherokee." "Me too." "Wow. I feel like we've been committing incest." Actual conversation I just had. #
21:32 OMG. There is way too much drama in this house tonight. I think Clayton's been on the phone like over an hour about some fender bender. #
21:35 @zhazhanixx I love peach Nehi. #
21:39 Seriously. If I were ever in a high profile crime where I know I'd be filmed, I'd be the best-dressed arrestee ever. After Paris Hilton. #
21:39 @RichardHighnote Molest him. #
21:43 @AndyKayBC Um, hello, I came up with that like 1,000 tweets ago. #
21:50 So I totally tried to hide my shot of vodka behind a Kleenex box because my mom thinks liquor doesn't suit me well. #
21:51 WELL, she grabbed a tissue from the Kleenex box I hid it behind. Ugh. #
21:51 And now she's sitting in the den putting together a puzzle. And I'm drunk. Super. #
05:48 @madeinparis No, but if the rest of you is any indication, I'm sure it's gorge. #
05:49 @circusmarcus Haha, I only followed like three that I didn't know, a few that I did know, and the others just randomly started following me. #
06:03 @jordansammy You're just like an Apple nerd right now. #
06:11 @laurenmignon Don't hate on ATL! ;) #
06:20 @laurenmignon The airport is a whole different story. Busiest airport in America, true story. #
06:33 twitpic.com/7siv4 - Jonas Brothers Cloned puppies - subliminal messages #
06:34 The Amanda Knox case is just a MESS! Never get arrested in Perugia, shit. #
06:38 Jo Bros on The Today Show! Swoon. Upset I missed them on Larry King last night. #
06:41 @circusmarcus NO CELL SERVICE FOR THE ENTIRE SUMMER?! How are either of us going to live? #
06:44 @GarageGlamorous You're totes listening to the Lindsay version. #
06:51 "Prom Night" is on! I've never seen it. #
06:52 @circusmarcus Well shit, why just days off? #
07:58 I have a love/hate relationship with suspense movies. They're not good for my heart, but I like the rush. #
08:10 @ShozzyShozzy Nope, I don't think I've ever seen it. I'll have to check it out. #
08:14 Okay. "Prom Night" was a hot ass mess. #
08:36 Grandma always said I was a little flighty... or was it 'floozy'? #
08:48 I really wish the people on these gold commercials would take their money and invest in acting lessons. #
10:15 @GarageGlamorous LMAO. You should switch accents every day. #
10:18 I'm half man, half amazing. #
10:34 I love these eHarmony commercials that talk about deep compatibility. All the gays need are a head shot and a cock shot, and the rest we ... #
11:11 @laurenmignon Haha, it's what I do. #
11:12 RT @nicolerichie: Am I jumping the gun in assuming that everyone loves blackout curtains? Who really likes to wake up to the sun in thei ... #
11:16 If I ever married someone whose last name was Beaver, I totally would never take their last name. #
11:29 @ZhaZhaNiXx I think it's funny that there's no known biological reason for morning wood, lol. #
11:29 @flylikeicarus Hahaha, I'm glad you noticed. #
12:02 "Victor/Victoria" is on Turner Classic Movies! I can't wait for Norma's little musical number she does. Fave! #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-18T12:06:00

2009-06-18T17:06:03Z

12:30 There are people actually pushing for obesity to be considered a disability. Really? Stop eating like a fatass and get on a treadmill. #
12:40 "How about I put some South in your mouth?" #
12:56 @ZhaZhaNiXx I just saw it on CNN. Uh, no, doesn't work that way fatties. @gilchrma Caroline is scary. She's like a wannabe mafia queen. #
12:58 @tjwislon If you ain't holdin', I dash yo... old school! #
13:36 Ew. I would never marry someone in prison. Not my fault they're there, and I'm not sacrificing my time for them. #
13:44 @RichardHighnote That comment to Zak sounded highly sexual. #
13:49 Going to the pool. Then putting in a... job application. Ugh. #
13:57 @rawhidekid Haha, I like your optimism. @ZhaZhaNiXx Those bitches never even called me back, hmph! #
14:11 @circusmarcus Totally seen this episode. INSANE. #
14:12 My diet plan is to move to Wisconsin, where I'm already thin. #
14:22 I want you to move on, so I'm already gone. #
14:26 I wanna ride it like a chauffer. #
14:35 HOLY SHIT, IT IS FUCKING HOT OUTSIDE. I should probably use sunscreen, but will inevitably use tanning oil. #
14:41 I just got dive bombed by a butterfly. #
15:20 @jordansammy I'm swimming, lol. It came out of nowhere and attacked! The only time I do the outdoors is if it involves getting a tan. #
16:08 We're sitting having a conversation with Clayton's grandmother...IN THE UNCRANKED CAR WITH THE WINDOWS DOWN IN THE SUN. Dying. #
16:09 Update: finally leaving to go to put in applications. #
16:12 @jordansammy They never called back. Bitches. Apparently a few of the Starbucks locations are hiring, but I'm going to apply at a restaurant #
16:21 @jordansammy Well, he was like really low on gas, but still. I think we would've been okay. #
16:22 So, we're going to the club tonight after all. Now I've got to send out mass Facebook invites to get people there. #
16:32 @bbance That's amazing. #
16:58 @flylikeicarus @ccxray26 I know. The first eight fattest states are all in the South, lol. It's terrible. I've got to get away from here. #
17:39 I need a nap but don't want to miss "Jeopardy." I sacrifice sleep for "Jeopardy." Give me vodka and I'll be set to go. #
18:22 @madisonlevy Sexual harassment! #
19:01 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
19:08 twitpic.com/7o229 - OMG the bitch on 'Look-a-Like' looks almost EXACTLY like Hilary Swank. #
19:25 I thought about naming my balls Pooter and Scooter, but Pooter is awkward considering your balls hang so close to your ass. #
19:35 How lame than T9 won't spell out 'goodies'. #
20:16 @GarageGlamorous I do what I can. Pooter's not a cute nickname anyway. @sarahherring Haha, jealous. #
20:57 Seriously have been through three people at the liquor store because they can't figure out the register. #
21:23 "Miss Baltimore Crabs" is a really awkward pageant title. Unless you're Carrie Prejean. Then it makes sense. #
21:53 "OHHHH MY GODDDD! My gaydar did not even go off!" I just died. #
21:53 Racey Lucas, budoir beauty. #
21:55 THERE ARE THREE HOMELESS PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF THIS GAS STATION. And I'm alone in the car. At least if I get shot, I'm buzzing. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-17T12:06:00

2009-06-17T17:06:21Z

15:11 @ZhaZhaNiXx Haha, we were both restless so we hit up the Coinstar machine and made a beer run. We keep it classy. #
15:12 @liznew Of course I thought of you! lol. Hanson = Liz, always. @ptolemyalexande Just waking up, what are you up to? #
15:13 @B_Irving I used to shave them, but it got too hard to maintain. Razor bumps are not cute. #
15:50 Why you all up in my George Foreman? #
16:58 Fun fact: Merv Griffin has banked $70 million in royalties for composing the 14-second opening theme for "Jeopardy." #
17:46 @JDHolm I haven't personally, but I know people who have. It's called douching! It's Bottoming 101. #
17:46 @sarahcolonna Me too! Can't wait for Teresa (laden with her new bubbies) to flip the table over! #
17:58 @buckhollywood I agree. However, I've seen MAYBE two unisex bathrooms in my entire life. Sometimes I just make them unisex on my own. #
18:12 The fact that George Washington had the largest whiskey distillery in the nation when he was living makes me like him more. #
18:48 I just saw a hot gay guy in the Wheel of Fortune audience. My gaydar is amazing. #
18:56 @Madonnaboy80 Not much, you? @B_Irving I always use the sensitive skin Nair. #
19:06 @Madonnaboy80 Same, just watching the news. Countdown with Keith Olbermann is my shit. @B_Irving Luck I guess. #
19:58 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
20:16 Watching college baseball on ESPN. I'm hoping for a Texas victory that involves the team removing their shirts. #
20:28 "You need a financially-focused lesbian in the White House." #
20:36 I support the LGBTQI community: lesbian, gay, bisexual, trangender, questioning (ESPECIALLY the questioning), and intersexual. #
21:01 "Real Housewives of New Jersey" season finale! #
21:02 Teresa's house is insane!
#rhonj #
21:06 Okay. Onyx, granite, and marble are not classy when it's ALL that your house is comprised of.
#rhonj #
21:07 Danielle looks like a character from "The Neverending Story."
#rhonj #
21:20 I love how they treat Ashley like she's doing so well. Um, she's an idiot. She went to summer school.
#rhonj #
21:21 Ha. "Facebook status."
#rhonj #
21:24 I'd like to know how many Italian restaurants called Cafe Amici there are. I know we have one here.
#rhonj #
21:29 I love the dramatic music playing as everyone's on the way to the restaurant.
#rhonj #
21:33 Everyone on this show needs like five titles because of all the family relations.
#rhonj #
21:38 Oh snap! Danielle was just TRYING to start drama.
#rhonj #
21:47 GASP! I never suspected Caroline did it.
#rhonj #
21:50 OMG! Jacqueline is yelling! This is the best season finale ever!
#rhonj #
21:52 OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. Teresa just got fucking CRUNK.
#rhonj #
21:59 Oh wow. Bipolar Teresa.
#rhonj #
22:01 Let's keep in mind that these women are having dinner IN A RESTAURANT having this fight.
#rhonj #
22:11 "Dance Your Ass Off" on Oxygen is even worse than I expected. Fat people dancing around is not okay. #
22:28 HOLY SHIT. "Space Jam" in on Encore. #
23:22 True or false: Danielle from TRHONJ totally looks like Ducky from "The Land Before Time." Yes or no?: i39.tinypic.com/2h30p00.png #
23:23 @gilchrma And that they were totally not even worried about the fact they were in a restaurant before getting into that fight, lol. Classy. #
23:24 @connnnn Jacqueline. She got pissed! @yeuxbruns I'm serious! I see them everywhere. Be original, people! @ZhaZhaNiXx Hahaha. For sure. #
23:25 @B_Irving Caroline does not need a dog to protect her. She is a bulldog herself. I'd be concerned for anyone breaking into her house. #
23:55 I love that Dorothy is always in fancy night gowns. She's like the female Hugh Hefner. #goldengirls #
23:59 @gilchrma Oh gosh, I can only imagine. I love that they think they're so elegant, and are the exact opposite. Jacqueline's sweet though. #
23:59 @jmgzlz Duh, all of my friends are. :) Haha, but no, he is completely, insanely gorgeous. #
00:15 According to the commercial I just saw, you don't have to be either a man or a witch to love Manwich. #
00:15 @Dr3wChristopher AGREED. He annoys me to no end. #
00:29 @GarageGlamorous Hm, interesting question. @squarist She is the definition of a diva. #
00:52 Um, I love Taylor Swift even more: bit.ly/JVwzX #
00:55 @Fierce90 OMG. He graduated from St. Olaf College. St. Olaf, Minnesota as in the same place that Rose on The Golden Girls is from. #
02:03 Just started "The Other Sister." I don't know why they gave Juliette Lewis such fucked up hair. Not all retarded people have bad hair. #
02:06 The retarded boy in this movie is actually cute in a virginal, nerdy way. #
02:10 OMG, "The Animal Song" by Savage Garden is playing! I want to live like animals, careless and free... #
02:14 @nickalish He's not retarded in real life! lol. #
02:18 Aww! They're dating! And she just got her own apartment. If either of them die in this movie, I will bawl my eyes out. #theothersister #
02:31 Oh no! Allison Krauss is playing during their first kiss! If they weren't dressed like a dog and a swan, I'd be in tears. #theothersister #
02:33 @nickalish Haha, I'm weird. I think he's cute in that Michael Cera kind of way... if he'd drop twenty pounds, then he'd have a chance. #
02:36 "Regular couples don't do that. They're in college." Ha! #theothersister #
02:39 "I love you more than band, music, and cookie making." Aww! This movie is tragic! #theothersister #
02:47 "I wonder who thought up sex in the first place." "I think it was Madonna." #
03:09 Swear to God, if they don't get back together, my life will be ruined. #theothersister #
03:21 Aww! The wedding scene! #theothersister #
03:29 OMG. Carla's wedding is about to make me start bawling! #theothersister #
03:34 He called her Mom! Oh no! So sad. #theothersister #
03:39 @B_Irving Night. :) @nickalish Ooh. I likey. I was surprised when he took his shirt off, and was actually kind of built. He's just stocky. #
03:39 @jmgzlz Haha, I was trying not to give away too many spoilers for people who haven't seen it, but it was SO cute. #
03:39 @jmgzlz And usually movies about retarded people annoy me to no end. #
03:45 The episode of "The Investigators" on now is about two Alabama brothers who took out life insurance policies on people and encouraged t ... #
11:38 @zhazhanixx I like her old school stuff, but all of her new stuff sounds the same. #
12:04 Watching "THS Investigates: Love Behind Bars." #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-16T12:06:00

2009-06-16T17:06:26Z

12:21 @eleanorpyc03 Yeah, it's gross, I know, but when I start drinking, it's what I crave, lol. I resisted though. @tjwislon Hahaha. Brilliant. #
12:21 @ZhaZhaNiXx You know how I roll. Plus, what else is there to do on a Sunday? @GarageGlamorous Word. @B_Irving 21. #
12:49 @B_Irving She's crazy. She tries to "control" my drinking, which she can because she pays for everything, which is why I need a job. #
13:58 I just got "Penny & Me" by Hanson stuck in my head. #
14:24 twitpic.com/7hh9z - Copying @madeinparis - at the pool. #
15:45 @eleanorpyc03 I've got to get back to that. @madeinparis Actually, I just saw it, and my thighs look huge, lol. I need to trim my leg hair. #
15:46 @ShozzyShozzy They actually had really good albums as their voices changed. Taylor = <3 @pwrbottomjelly It came from nowhere. So random. #
15:53 @PerezHilton would be significantly less annoying if he weren't so fat. #
15:53 Alas, I follow him on Twitter. #
15:59 @GarageGlamorous ** offense - get it right, ho! ;) #
18:57 Not in a good mood whatsoever. #
19:41 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
20:39 twitpic.com/7ih6l - The guy in front of me at the gas station is barefoot. He's no Britney. #
21:01 Watching Kathy! Love her. #
21:55 @circusmarcus DON'T PROMOTE PEREZ. #
02:40 Yeah. Totally need more beer to sleep. Or rum. I'd give a blowjob for rum right now, no joke. #
03:18 twitpic.com/7j51z - Booze run. At least I look moderately cute. #
03:27 twitpic.com/7j5db - How terrible are we? One beer! #
03:31 twitpic.com/7j5hl - Werking in at Winn Dixie circa 4 AM. #
03:33 twitpic.com/7j5jv - The lady here is so unfortunate. I wonder if she remembers me ramming the door. #
04:19 twitpic.com/7j6yh - My old high school. :) #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-15T12:05:00

2009-06-15T17:05:26Z

12:16 bit.ly/41dRZ8
Some people should not be allowed on YouTube. #
12:35 bit.ly/2Ol16G Huffpost - Shattering The Meat Myth: Humans Are Natural Vegetarians #
12:38 I never thought I'd be so elated over a cold big girl beer in the afternoon. #
13:01 I think being told you look like a gay porn star is like the highest compliment. Even straight guys are thankful for the comparison. #
13:05 I don't really wanna be a tease, but would you undo my zipper please? #
13:15 @JosephPMathews The rural South is pretty bad, but those northern Midwestern states have got us beat. @tjwislon I'm the man for the job. #
13:34 bit.ly/mwVvf
- AMEN. #
13:48 @zzravizz She's staying in Savannah temporarily to shoot her new movie. #
13:56 bit.ly/2JY6T Huffpost - Jose, Maximo Colon Turn Tables On NYPD With Videotape - If drugs were legalized, there wouldn't be a problem. #
14:18 @zzravizz Haha, it's okay. I remember her posting something about it a few weeks ago. They were casting for the movie in Savannah too. :) #
14:19 bit.ly/unpeD Huffpost - Venezuela: Why We Banned Coke Zero - If only America would follow suit. Acesulfame-K and Aspartame = fat. #
14:20 @sevinnyne6126 Haha, not a necessarily flattering picture. Funny nonetheless. #
14:33 For my brother to be so trashy and gross, he has some hot ass friends. Maybe I should become a pothead. #
15:59 Going to Alabama for booze. I keep it classy. #
16:04 I never meant to start a war, you know I'd never wanna hurt you, don't even know what we're fighting for. Why does love always feel like ... #
16:16 You're the chance I can't afford to waste. #
16:19 CLAYTON JUST HIT A BIRD! He's laughing hysterically and I feel like crying. #
17:38 @dms041788 @B_Irving The Ryan Tedder demo is 10x better, imo. #
17:38 @tjwislon Your asshole would be in bad shape if I ever got a hold of it. Sorry, I couldn't resist sounding like a creeper daddy. #
17:43 Now that my hair is short again, I really feel like I need to have my ears pinned back. #
17:55 @GarageGlamorous Um, threesome, helloooo. #
18:03 PERMULLET: bit.ly/EzVCZ #
18:06 @GarageGlamorous - CJ! I swear to Jesus this looks like it could be you and your brother: tinyurl.com/mtz4kv #
18:11 @jordansammy You give it a few weeks to see if you get annoyed by them in that time or not. If not, dating could probably work. #
18:11 @tjwislon With a slutty title... like "Buckets of Cum 8." #
18:17 @Madonnaboy80 It should be either, but I changed it either way so it should be fine now. #
18:40 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
18:46 @GarageGlamorous Just sent it to your phone. :) #
21:18 @tjwislon That was just an example. ;) #
21:19 @sevinnyne6126 "Parks & Rec" is amazing. Start watching it. :) #
21:22 Going to Max's. #
21:41 Jk. Max's is retarded. #
22:17 I need Taco Bell. @GarageGlamorous would be proud. #
22:28 I want Joel McHale to fuck me. #
22:33 Drunk. Hate being broke with no parents awake. #
01:12 Mother gave me fake Tylenol PM, AND took Troop Beverly Hills out of my room. What. A. Bitch. I'm so not in a good mood right now. Need booze #
01:17 I think stupid people are my number one pet peeve. I'd rather have 100 cockroaches crawling on me than to sit with an idiot for an hour. #
01:47 I just remembered I motorboated some girl with huge boobs last night. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-14T12:04:00

2009-06-14T17:04:40Z

12:15 "Brooke Knows Best" is like an addiction. #
13:47 @bbance Love that song! I remember her nipples being erect in her wife beater in the video. #
15:12 I need a nap. No time. #
15:26 @loljohnjk Giiirl, I LOVED that song when it came out. The substance itself, not so much. #
15:28 GaGa's live version of "Paparazzi" at Capital FM is something fierce. Word. #
16:10 bit.ly/NucNZ Huffpost - Minutemen Leader, Arrested In Killings Of Dad, Girl In Arizona - Another domestic terrorism case... #
16:26 I feel really gross for thinking Dwight Eisenhower used to be really, really hot: i39.tinypic.com/iwjhbn.jpg #
17:12 bit.ly/rbcMo - What the hell is going on with Chicago? They're also $300 million in debt. #
17:21 I've just seen three people shoot up, a bald Chinese lady with no pants on, and there's this old guy outside who wants his bedroom slippers. #
17:39 Going to get hair clipper from Clayton's house. Going out tonight with J. Cone. Excited. Haven't seen that nukka in forever. #
17:40 RT @ZhaZhaNiXx: If suckin dick gets these bitch housewives in New Jersey everything they want, clearly I've been living in the wrong area. #
17:43 "Crank It Up" by Ashley Tisdale is totes my new jam. Hearing her say she's gonna ride it like a chauffer makes me LOL. & Timbaland produced! #
17:50 Just crank it up 'til the walls cave in. #
17:51 Every business in Alabama is named after someone. And not just normal names, it's like Roy and LuAnn. #
17:57 twitpic.com/7bt40 - My 'going out' necessities #
17:59 I MUCH prefer Ryan Tedder's version of "Battlefield" as opposed to Jordin Sparks'. #
18:03 @ShozzyShozzy EW. Are they black people? #
18:07 twitpic.com/7bu91 - Case in point. An ode to @GarageGlamorous #
18:08 twitpic.com/7budl - Oh snap! #
18:13 I know your type, boy, you're dangerous, yeah, you're that guy I'd be stupid to trust, but just one night couldn't be so wrong. #
18:32 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
19:56 twitpic.com/7c6pt - Just cut my hair. It's steamy in the bathroom. #
23:12 I need Spanx. #
11:50 Waking up. Last night was a success. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-13T12:04:00

2009-06-13T17:04:52Z

12:05 A drag queen dubbed herself "The Bitch So Country She Bleeds Gravy." No ma'am. #
12:09 @COPBlog Always. :) #
12:22 @jonjonnyp Ditto. #
12:44 #FF @RASHIDIAN @mikelmonroe @babygirlparis @COPBlog @AdenStoneXXX #
12:48 I would KILL to see Chelsea and Chuy at LA Pride. #
13:26 @circusmarcus You've got me dickmatized. Holla! #
13:35 @tjwislon Hahah. Old people are so funny. #
13:45 Cable guy is here. I hate dealing with these people, but I hate having random scratchy channels and invalid premium channels even more. #
13:48 @zhazhanixx You know, there's this invention that should have come with your phone. It's called a charger. It keeps your phone from dying. #
14:30 LOL! There's a gay guy on the 700 Club walking around Piedmont Park talking about his cruising days. So funny. #
14:31 @circusmarcus I've done that too! lol. #
14:34 Oh goodness, he's an "ex-gay." Give me a bottle of vodka and fifteen minutes alone with him, and he'll be gay as the day is long. #
15:25 There's a guy on Maury named Diezel, pronounced the same way as 'diesel', but with a z in place of the s. #
17:16 Being in "Schoolhouse Rock" just helped me answer a question on "Cash Cab." #
17:47 @bbance Haha, I wondered that too. I'm staying in tonight, so it's just a bonus. #
17:57 I don't get the @mileycyrus radio drama. If you want respect, give it by not asking questions her management has banned. It's about PR. #
18:01 I wonder if Alex Trebek is as smart as he tries to be on Jeopardy. #
18:35 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
18:50 I'm getting a sex change. Then I'll have an excuse to be a bitch. #
19:21 @B_Irving He was very cute. The next time I'm in ATL, I'm going to be on the lookout. #
20:27 Some woman just locked her doors as I walked past! I'm like the least threatening person ever. She could have sat on & severely injured me. #
20:37 twitpic.com/78y1p - Oh. Em. Gee. You know what I'll be watching tonight! #
21:30 @Erinna1 She was older, like 45ish. #
21:51 Betty White is the original gangster: bit.ly/nFsxG #
22:45 @zhazhanixx we po' guh. #
22:49 "You don't have to pass an IQ test to be in the Senate." - Mark Pryor (D-Arkansas) #
23:45 @AndyKayBC Every politician is stupid in the fact that they claim to be a Christian. Run for office, Andy. #
23:58 By the way, Ashley Tisdale's new album is so amazing. I should have updated everyone with that fact like over a week ago. #
23:58 I'm bored. I need more booze, but I made the mistake of giving my leftover money to my parents. Slap on the wrist. #
09:48 @Cmacspc No, it's just awesome. We're the girls from Beverly Hills, shopping is out greatest thrill! @AndyKayBc I'd vote for you. #
10:40 NEED: tinyurl.com/mgfe3c tinyurl.com/nbxgr5 tinyurl.com/lchapt tinyurl.com/ltupfq #
10:58 Jordan Steeves is hot AND smart. #
11:49 Commercials are my least favorite things ever. #
11:50 My parents really creep me out. They spend like hours putting together puzzles. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-12T12:05:00

2009-06-12T17:05:12Z

12:23 Clayton is a terrible driver. #
12:30 E-mail my heart and say our love will never die, and I know you're out there, and I know that you still care. #
12:34 Like that! #
13:08 A fat lesbian just sat down on the end of a pew with three other people on it and the opposite end of the bench lifted off the ground. #
13:33 I am literally about to stretch out across a pew and take a fucking nap. This shit is taking forever. #
16:37 I know we're gonna get, know we're gonna get, get bombastic love, so fantastic, where I'm completely yours and you are mine. #
17:01 twitpic.com/75c2w - I'm in a candy store! OMG. #
17:03 You're a fine piece of real estate and I'm gonna get me some land. #
17:09 If I could reach the stars, I'd give them all to you, and you'd love me, love me like you used to do. #
17:14 @GarageGlamorous You're still the one that I love, the only one I dream of, you're still the one I kiss goodnight. #
17:16 You'll be a star in the back seat of my car. #
17:39 @JosephPMathews Oh, nevermind, I'm stupid. I was drowsy and hung over today. Now I remember! Yeah, I promise I wasn't THAT drunk, lol. #
17:47 twitpic.com/75gbw - Bubbies! It's catching on. #
20:09 Danny Devito is my hero: seriouslyomg.com/?p=11248 #
20:10 @puddlznmyshooze Me too! we were definitely jamming hardcore to her in the car. #
20:16 The only time I ever hate having a cock is when I'm trying to nap and get a boner. I thought it was under control until Zac Efron came on. #
20:24 @B_Irving It's between Atlanta and NJ. #
20:27 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
20:31 bit.ly/K67Mu Huffpost - Who the hell let Gingrich out of his cage? Him doing the press rounds embarrasses the ENTIRE GOP. #
20:32 @mOFrIz Me too! Love this movie. #
20:55 @mOFrIz Yes. R.I.P. Natasha. I literally watched this movie like every day of the summer like eight years ago... meaning I was like 12, stfu #
23:45 @AndyKayBC That belongs on textsfromlastnight.com #
23:48 Ugh. #
00:08 ...how am I alone in my friend's house when 1/3 people in this house don't smoke. #
00:09 They're back! #
00:14 I just had a debate about which country invented shoulder pads. #
00:19 "Do you mind? I'm talking about me!" Story of my life. #
01:33 Wanna fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Loves. #
01:47 I got shot at the Waffle House. #
10:44 @mOFrIz Duh, of course. I used to know the handshake dance. #
11:04 How sad is it that I want to stalk Miley now that she's in Savannah? lol. Especially if Nick Jonas is there. Rawr. #
11:15 Why does everyone use Skype? Just because Oprah does it doesn't mean it's cool. It kind of sucks actually. #
11:27 Miley is rumored to be in a sequel of "Adventures in Babysitting." Travesty! #
11:34 RT @mikelmonroe bit.ly/17XAE0 #
11:34 @COPBlog Sad. :( #
11:35 @NurseTIM4u Love both of those. :) The video for "Back to the 80s" is so trippy. #
11:38 @ShozzyShozzy Totally read that as "bareback." #
11:44 The Pearl Day Pool Party @ the Midtown W would be fun. I feel like I need to infiltrate ATL's gay elite since Columbus has been conquered. #
11:46 With gay events like that, though, I feel like you have to KNOW someone in that crowd to go with. All of my gay ATL friends are club kids. #
11:58 I'm going to have to insist that everyone go here and read the cast bios: bit.ly/16AXCn #
12:03 #FF @ShozzyShozzy @bbance @mOFrlz @tjwislon @ptolemyalexande @jordansammy #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-11T12:06:00

2009-06-11T17:06:25Z

13:49 @eleanorpyc03 RHWONJ is amazing. I can't wait for the return of ATL though. @B_Irving I've seen "The Strangers" actually. Freaky. #
13:53 Explain to me how I got shitty last night off of six beers please. #
13:56 @GarageGlamorous You wouldn't have to to get a piece of this, holla! #
14:24 One of the ingredients in Lindsay Lohan's self-tanner is chardonnay extract. True story. #
15:16 What's your disposition? Have you ever tried this position? #
15:34 @jordansammy Don't pretend like you didn't like it. #
15:47 The people in this house eat like I've never seen. #
15:51 White supremacy is so stupid. #
15:52 RT @someecards Can't quite make sense of Trending Topics but it seems like Miss California was shot at the Holocaust Museum by a new iPhone. #
16:35 OMG. Stop fucking talking!!! #
17:51 @BoCoker You better be there slutbag. #
18:14 RT @tjwislon: #goldengirls no thank you for being a friend #
18:16 Just call me Edward Longshanks. #
18:48 "Grease" is on VH1! My family is going to hate me. I can't help singing along! He got friendly holding my hand, well we got friendly dow ... #
19:03 I opted for So You Think You Can Dance instead. I'd pretty much let any of the guys who aren't black fuck me. #
19:03 Not that I'm racist by any means, but black guys don't do it for me. I'll refer you to @GarageGlamorous though. #
19:05 I love that even before I posted my second tweet about black guys, @GarageGlamorous called dibs. #
19:18 I feel like Jeanine was a little behind in some spots, but I LOVED the choreography, and the performance was great. OMG, shut up Mary. #
19:23 I always like female dancers more than male dancers for some reason. I'm digging the Asian over the black guy.
#sytycd #
19:24 RT @MCDONALDHEATHER: Does Jen really want to get back together w/ Brad and take on 6 step kids or just be the other woman for awhile so ... #
19:26 True that Asuka and Vitolio lacked emotion. I'm excited for the Bollywood performance!
#sytycd #
19:32 "I am putting on my makeup, and when a supermodel puts on her makeup, the world stops." lol, love Janice! #
19:32 TAKE ME JONATHAN!
#sytycd #
19:34 I knew CJ would be freaking out over "Poker Face." What an odd song to cha cha to...
#sytycd #
19:35 If Jon is gay, he hides it well. That performance was fire!
#sytycd #
19:37 I'm glad that Mary keeps the crazy train rolling along when we're done with Idol.
#sytycd #
19:38 Hate: people who talk incessantly when it's obvious I'm not listening and don't care. #
19:44 Evan has Down's face.
#sytycd #
19:46 Seriously? This song is about to put me to sleep, even though the performance is super.
#sytycd #
19:48 Um, Randi is kind of wideset. How did Evan life her?
#sytycd #
19:48 I'm suing Mary if she bursts my television speakers.
#sytycd #
19:57 The way Tony rolls those hips is getting me worked up.
#sytycd #
19:58 Homegirl was off towards the end.
#sytycd #
20:02 Jason is a DREAM. BOAT.
#sytycd #
20:02 I'll teach you to be a better man!
#sytycd #
20:03 Give me ten minutes Jason, and the dance won't be the only thing hard. Ow!
#sytycd #
20:04 @GarageGlamorous I so called him first. #
20:05 I feel like Jason was much better than Caitlin.
#sytycd #
20:10 @GarageGlamorous You can't have all of the minorities, shit! #
20:18 Loved the foxtrot! Janette is like in my top three favorites.
#sytycd #
20:41 Ade. Seriously. Leaving hair picks in your hair is not cute. On another note, I love this song.
#sytycd #
20:42 Loved the dance! So amazing. And the wind machine cracked me up.
#sytycd #
20:54 I wish all my clothes were made of tassels.
#sytycd #
20:54 Kayla was hot. I'd stick it in.
#sytycd #
21:23 @jordansammy If you follow your tweets with it, you apparently are entered into a drawing for an iPhone. There are like 27 left. #
21:24 @eleanorpyc03 NENE IS MY HERO. "Bitch, I will wear dat wig off yo head." Best quote ever. #
21:42 How could you not want me? I'm hot. #
21:58 @jordansammy Yeah. Right. #
23:12 I'm not drunk enough to take care of incessantly drunk people. #
23:26 There are armed guards at this gas station. I'm paranoid. #
01:21 I love how like every guy the bar wants to hook up with me. I'd only hook up with them if they where hot (Joseph) and/or have a big cock ... #
01:47 Drunk. Watching some ghetto movie about clowns. #
02:44 Drunk. Watching some supposed horror movie about clowns. #
03:27 If I ever have children, @tjwislon will be the father. #
09:24 @eleanorpyc03 I have no idea. @JosephPMathews Haha, I don't even remember what Joseph I was talking about... I think I meant Justin. Idk. #
09:24 @jordansammy I was. It was pretty fun. As usual, they weren't checking IDs so like everyone was under 21, lol. #
10:19 Since when does Lifetime play Army Wives instead of Will & Grace at this hour? Not okay. #
10:36 To be so repulsed by the sight of meat, I really love cock. #
11:51 Going to my LAST probation meeting. Britney sing-along time! #
11:56 twitpic.com/74jky - I'm heisting the Life Gas truck for the 'medical gas.' #
12:02 Totally listening to "Soda Pop" right now. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-10T12:07:00

2009-06-10T17:07:19Z

15:08 Swooon. - Adam Lambert Admits He Is Gay - Thank You, Captain Obvious: digg.com/d1tN8L?t #
15:50 RT @GarageGlamorous I love that Maury knows all of the cool kid ghetto thug handshakes...Maury has street cred. #
16:04 @GarageGlamorous better be glad he doesn't have a vagina bc if he got knocked up with a black guy's baby, he'd have to take them on Maury. #
16:21 This guy thinks he's not the baby's daddy because the baby laughs at him and he thinks it's mocking him. #
16:26 @csiriano I like the Ryan Tedder demo a lot better. #
18:53 Sex. New position. Liked it. A lot. Shower time! #
19:07 Catching up on "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" before tonight's new episode. #
19:16 @tjwislon Can't wait for tonight's episode. The book about Danielle comes out! We'll have to text. And I like belly rings. :) #
20:21 @adrey @bbance It's called like the Sitting Bull or something. Nothing out of the ordinary, but it was interesting. #
20:25 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
21:16 Real Housewives of New Jersey! #
21:51 OMG. I've heard the word "buh-bies" (Jersey talk for "boobies") like 50 times in the past hour thanks to the Real Housewives of New Jersey. #
22:37 Sucks that Tiller's family closed his clinic. I'd keep in open AND expand. #
23:04 @circusmarcus I like her buhbies too. #
23:18 "Doesn't this girl get a period?!" "I think she's on Yaz." #
23:33 "Egypt Unwrapped." Seen it, but there's nothing better on. Seriously considering shot gunning the two beers in our fridge. How sad. #
00:10 Tyra-nasaurus Banks is such an inherent bitch, lol. #
01:21 Watching "The Messengers." #
01:38 @AndyKayBC I'd consider that a success. Sixteen is legal here, holla! #
01:43 My heart cannot handle this shit. #themessengers #
01:46 @RichardHighnote Suspense does not suit me well. #
01:49 @RichardHighnote I thought that movie was pretty good, just kind of slow. Supernatural shit is not my cup of tea. I like it though. #
01:53 @RichardHighnote Text me betch. Number's on Facebook. We'll discuss. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-09T12:08:00

2009-06-09T17:08:21Z

14:08 I had the weirdest dreams. A tornado hit the mall, and I was huddled in a Cinnabon with Eric McCormick amd Stewie from "Family Guy." #
15:40 Loving this "My Life on the D-List" marathon. Can't wait for the season premiere tonight! #
18:35 @mikelmonroe Uh oh, old school Jewel. Love it. #
18:35 @AdenStoneXXX I accidentally picked up my brother's iTunes playlist once, and it was like laden with all kinds of hardcore porn. #
19:07 Gay alcoholic on "Intervention." Love it. #
19:58 If you're trying to say "me too" in French, take note that "deux" is the number 2 and not 'too' as in 'as well'. It's "moi aussi" (me also). #
20:01 @AdenStoneXXX Eww. Fat people in porn are a negative. @ShozzyShozzy lol, I was thinking that too. #
20:10 Anorexic foreign girls on Intervention! Back-to-back amazing episodes. Kathy's on next. :) #
20:14 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
20:58 OH. EM. GEE. Just went through the line of a really hot guy at Wal-Mart guy AND had another hot guy right behind me in line. Threeway! #
21:11 Watching the season premiere of "My Life on the D-List." Dying laughing, obvs. Oh, and I bought a Strawberry Shortcake coloring book. SHA! #
21:28 I think Strawberry Shortcake and Tyra have the same weave artist because they both have a new hairstyle everytime I see them. #
22:46 twitpic.com/6yccb - The finished product. And I gave her highlights. #
22:57 twitpic.com/6yd3c - Werk. #
00:18 @flylikeicarus I kind of switch between hair colors. And yes, I definitely gave her highlights. I've really out-gayed myself. #
01:34 @jordansammy I expect an explanation when you were home. @GarageGlamorous Don't tease. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-08T12:04:00

2009-06-08T17:04:45Z

13:04 twitpic.com/6uch0 - Molesting PJ's sister #
13:06 I just saw a Hummer with Proverbs 3:5 plastered across it. Shoot me. #
13:08 Just like a chick in a casino, take your paper 'fore I pay you out. #
13:21 Oh baby baby how was I supposed to know that something wasn't right here? #
13:23 "Pretty sure I discussed your cock with your sister last night. I said good things at least." #
13:53 twitpic.com/6uhg1 - You kind of can't tell but I'm in the most gorgeous bathroom ever. #
14:19 twitpic.com/6uk4o - At the pool. Noah's house is my new obsession. #
14:53 twitpic.com/6unwr - Finally got my beer...now moving on to tequila. #
17:26 twitpic.com/6v3ia - Love Carolyn's shades. #
19:39 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
20:59 Why is everyone at Applebee's? #
21:23 Season premiere of "Kendra." #
22:08 @LandonRok I hope they wrecked. @v4us Just a friend. No, he's not on Twitter. @B_Irving It was funny. @tjwislon I keep it classy. #
22:24 @zhazhanixx lol #
23:27 I'm in love with "The Nanny." #
23:41 @jordansammy All the way from LaGrange? Wow. #
23:44 THERE ARE TOO MANY FUCKING COMMERCIALS. Shit. #
23:48 @circusmarcus I'll be right over. #
00:00 I'm horny now that everyone's talking about sex. #
00:05 @circusmarcus It's all yours. :) #
00:13 Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide, sometimes I'm scared of you, but all I really want is to hold you tight, treat you right... #
00:26 @B_Irving lol, yes. I've only been there like once but I know where it is. @COPBlog Haha, true. #
00:27 @madeinparis twitpic.com/6q24c - MESS. #
01:12 My hangover just hit me. Ugh. #
01:35 John Stewart is making a cameo in The Nanny as a doctor, lol. #
01:45 I really wanna see The Proposal. #
02:01 I love that Teresa from "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" pronunces "boobies" like "buh-bies." #
04:45 There's some blind kid on some Jesus program. Is it terrible that I really want to fuck him? As long as he doesn't talk. #
04:50 And the pastor just said he was born with a gift! Uh, he was born blind. #
05:30 Happy 76th to @JoanRivers #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-07T12:04:00

2009-06-07T17:04:09Z

14:33 Vodka. Sex. Vodka. Sex. Sex. #
14:54 @connnnn @adrey BF :) @tjwislon ♥ @ShozzyShozzy YES! This little Indian girl was wearing Indian Jellies. I almost died. #
15:01 Waking up. Need a nap already. #
15:07 Is it just me, or does every asshole have a unique smelly funk? #
15:19 ...I've hooked up with more guys from Smiths Station than I have my own high school. #
15:39 I know I may be a little picky, but, hey, I just know what I want. #
15:46 If Jesus was perfect, how big was his cock? #
15:59 @CyberCzar That's a good estimate. I bet he was uncut, eww. @B_Irving Loves. #
15:59 @jordansammy Half-nudity is not acceptable at weddings... being a drunken mess is. #
18:38 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
22:51 <===3 #
23:17 At Robert's. #
23:20 I love that my friend says watermelon like 'watahmehlan'. #
23:47 "I hate his height... but I also hate his penis." #
00:33 I hate stupid people. #
11:10 Just woke up naked between two guys. Success. #
12:01 Baby, you'll be famous, chase you down 'til you love me. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-06T12:04:00

2009-06-06T17:04:42Z

12:18 Mississippi legalized same-dad marriage. So two consenting adult males can't get married, but a brother and sister can? Keeping it classy. #
12:51 How amazing does a Snickers ice cream bar sound right now? #
12:59 @circusmarcus Haha, yeah, it was really random. Funny though. #
13:10 @thetoadies are following me! How fun. #
13:20 @circusmarcus @DonnyFontaine @KhloeKardashian @officialkathyg @GarageGlamorous @AndyKayBC @LucasENT @buckhollywood @nick86 #FollowFriday #
13:20 @GarageGlamorous FIXED! :) #
14:25 Um, why did I just have fun using our Swiffer Wet Jet? #
14:58 @tjwislon Don't act like you don't already know. ;) #
15:21 bit.ly/rVRz6 #
15:22 @xantotre YES! Haha. I totally thought about that commercial and the song's been stuck in my head. #
15:37 Why is the Playgirl Revue going to be at H2O? Those poor souls are going to get mugged in the back alley. #
16:18 Blowjob, holla! #
16:30 (314): Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent? #
17:29 BJ number two. Officially worn out. #
18:07 I want to see an authentic ghost town. #
18:47 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
20:16 I. Got. Your. Crazy. #
20:55 "THERE'S THE INDIAN WITH THE LIGHT-UP JELLIES!" #
21:18 I love that my ex and I can share stories of our sexual debauchery. #
00:13 Is it terrible that I want my boyfriend to leave? I hate feeling young. #
11:03 I want a shotgun wedding in Vegas. #
11:16 I have a lonely heart. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-05T12:05:00

2009-06-05T17:05:23Z

18:46 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
19:46 On the way to Kipp's house way out in Alabama. #
22:22 Leaving Kipp's. Starving. Haven't eaten since yesterday. #
22:46 @jordansammy I know, right? Airplane bathrooms are scary. It feels like you're going to get sucked down the toilet. #
00:32 Watching a cheesy horror movie with my sister. #
02:33 @ShozzyShozzy FML = fuck my life @o0hSnapp Haha, it was so ridiculous. #
02:38 Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes now, that's what you get for waking up in Vegas. #
03:56 I'm mad The Toadies will be at the Masquerade tonight and I won't be there. :( #
03:58 OMG. LFO will be at the Masquerad on July 9th. #
04:49 @circusmarcus I love youuuu. #
05:16 @ShozzyShozzy Love them. So sad I can't go. :( #
05:30 Crunchberries, not an actual fruit....: digg.com/d1smoU?t #
12:03 Found a strange pair of underwear in my room. Typical. #

♥

almp @ 2009-06-04T12:05:00

2009-06-04T17:05:33Z

12:33 @sarahsaxton It's on right now and I'm dying. I love that Nobody's Angel performs at the Fall Ball, lmao. @xantotre lmao #
12:59 @madisonlevy They never ID me on planes. Just say you left your ID in your luggage. #
13:12 @jordansammy I know but only for that one checkpoint. In between there and the plane you could have put your ID in your luggage. #
13:42 @jordansammy SUCH a good book. It's hilarious. #
14:11 Either I'm really out of shape or I just had really great sex. #
17:13 Ewww x10. A HUGE cockroach was outside of my door. I almost stepped on it. Had it crawled into my room and I'd found it, I would have cried. #
17:16 @ShozzyShozzy I did that all outside of my room, lol. I think it's because my brother and his girlfriend are constantly in and out. #
18:41 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/mB8X3 #
18:50 As big a mess as this is, I still completely almost jizzed my pants: bit.ly/OA7p0 #
18:52 @lendon Haha, I just saw it too. I love that you can see the outline of his ass cheeks if you look between his legs in the leotard. #
18:53 @lendon And with that sentence, I cemented myself as a pervert. #
19:00 False alarm: my brother put fake cockroaches out. You best believe I Raid-ed the entire house still. I couldn't even touch the fake one. #
19:41 Heading to Barnes & Noble to meet up with Larkin and Kipp. Then downtown for for beer pong Wednesday @ the fag bar, holla! #
19:49 I found a big girl beer in my bedroom! I think that's a good sign. #
19:56 twitpic.com/6kj0s - At B&N #
20:49 twitpic.com/6kn3s - At Wendy's with friends. Obviously not eating this shit. #
20:57 THEY'RE PLAYING ELTON JOHN IS WENDY'S. Yeah, tonight will definitely be a good night. #
21:16 twitpic.com/6kp58 - With Kipp and Clayton :) #
21:17 twitpic.com/6kp7a - With Kipp and Clayton :) #
22:03 twitpic.com/6kslb - Kara and I at the gay bar #
00:55 twitpic.com/6l26a - Loves. #
09:54 twitpic.com/6lmrg - #
10:16 @bastianmonroe "Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards." lol. #
10:18 Sometimes, in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned what it is to be in love and be loved in return. #
10:21 RT @madeinparis Awwww twitpic.com/6ksmf #
10:26 @ShozzyShozzy GASP. Watching, for sure. Thanks for the update. @PeterJWestwick It was a song lyric, but I believe it to be true. :) #
10:28 @AkimyAmin WHAT?! I had no idea he'd died. How tragic. #
10:29 @jordansammy SHUT. UP! #
10:29 @jordansammy I don't look good, omigod! No way, no way, no way! #
10:30 Daisy hung out with Blondie! Omigod, they're best friends. #
10:35 @ShozzyShozzy We do not hate on Ashley Tisdale, kthx. #
10:37 Um, old school Jessica Simpson is amazing. #
10:40 lolz!: bit.ly/7g3B3 #
10:49 I want to fuck Nick Lachey so hardcore. #
10:57 @madeinparis Old school Jessica is AMAZING. Ashlee wouldn't have a career without Jessica (and Papa Joe). #
11:02 twitpic.com/6lr9u - I am a hot mess this morning. #
11:02 @madeinparis SAME. Her newer stuff is a mess. I don't think it's a coincidence that her older stuff has more views that her newer shit. #
11:15 @Jillzarin Gorgeous dress. #
11:17 Who spells Kyle like Cyle? They belong on Maury. #
11:18 I hate my fucking doctor for not giving me painkillers. My back hurts like a motherfucker. #
11:24 FML #

♥